Campfyre Stories

So there I was, minding my own business, waiting for the bus. When he came, he told us he was running a little late - about 2 minutes.

He took off like a bat out of hell and passed by my sunglassed friend, who waved his arms as the bus cruised by. A few miles down the road, he caught up with the bus, explaining that he had gotten a ride.

About 3 stops later, the bus erupted into chaos as two women started screaming "YOU NEED TO PUT HER OFF THE BUS! SHE *HIT* ME! THREE FUCKING TIMES!" (We all, at this point, took our headphones off so we could hear better.) A third woman stood up, leaned over another passenger and started screaming, "WATCH YOUR MOUTH! THERE ARE CHILDREN ON THE BUS! THEY DON’T NEED TO HEAR THAT KIND OF LANGUAGE!"

Apparently, a woman wearing a backpack, who was standing, had been pushed by the movement of the bus into the woman sitting by her. The sitting woman was less upset by the backpack than the fact that the backpack woman hadn’t apologized or acknowledged that she had been knocking her.

The screaming went on for a minute or two when a man went to the front of the bus and tried to make peace. "Ladies, we want this bus to start moving. We all want to go home. Miss, please sit down. Let’s see if we can resolve this like adults." At which point the woman in the backpack started in on how it wasn’t her fault. "Lady, just SHUT. UP," said our peacemaker. Of course, at this point, it all started again, only this time there was an additional yell of "I’m going to be late for work!!" and when as the woman started yelling about how the kids didn’t need to hear that kind of language, they all started crying.

It was at this point that the driver got involved. Pulled the bus over and threatened to call the police or to put the foul-mouthed woman (who actually wasn’t directly involved at all) off the bus herself, or possibly the woman screaming about how we had to think of the children. "I have to report this to my supervisor, " he said and the whole bus groaned.

Thankfully, that didn’t take long and soon we were on the road again. The backpack woman got off a few stops later and people started putting their headphones back on and talking amongst themselves.  We thought it was over, but wait, there’s more.

A guy rang the bell for the stop and went to the back door.  While we were stopped at a red light, at an intersection before the bus stop, he started pushing on the door, which wouldn’t open, it only let off that infernal buzzing noise.  "Hey, man, open the door!  Back door!  Let me off!  I want to get off!"  The driver replied that the door would open when we actually got to the bus stop.  I guess the dude in the back didn’t hear him, because when we pulled over to the bus stop, he went to the front to get off.

"Yo, man, I wanted to get off.  You gotta open that back door."  The driver replied, "I can’t let you off in an intersection when I’m stopped at a red light.  You have to wait for the actual bus stop."  Guy:  "That’s fucked up, man…" and then he said something that I couldn’t hear.  But apparently the driver heard him because he JUMPED out of his seat and chased the guy out the door yelling "What did you say!?  What did you say to me???"

I was so glad that I was already planning to get off that bus early.  As my stop approached, I went up to my sunglassed buddy and said, "Heh.  Bet you’re glad you were able to catch the bus you missed, eh?"  He said, "You know, this is why I hate riding the bus," and shook his head. 

I shrugged.  "I guess, but you’ve got to admit, it makes a pretty good story."

It’s all about perspective.

How many words do you think it would take to write EXACTLY what you mean and have it not misunderstood?  Obviously, if you’re talking face to face, then you’ll be able to convey your message in fewer words, but I read the other day that 93% (!!!) of all communication is non-verbal.  Does that mean that one would need to use 13+% more words to fully convey their meaning?

Now, someone like me, rather verbose, it’s not hard to create that additional amount of words, but doing it correctly, in the sense of using words to replace tone, inflection and body language, well…  I get kind of hung up on that.

Words have always fascinated me.  Etymology, structure, definition.  I often find myself looking up words that I know and use on a regular basis to find out what the unbiased definition is and whether or not it’s actually being used correctly.  Politically speaking, as an example, the words conservative and liberal are often given connotations that have nothing to do with their actual definition and instead indicate political leanings and support of specific ideas or actions.  It all comes down to context.  I think that there are too many people who attempt to use context (or tone or inflection) to make words mean something other than their definition.  The problem this creates is that it further clouds communication, especially when it’s written.

I often find that I repeat myself, trying different phrasings in an attempt to convey the real meaning I’m aiming at.  It depends on the situation, how many times I’m willing to do this, but I’m always surprised at the reluctance of people with whom I can easily speak to answer the phone instead of going back and forth in email or IM.  I have limited patience when I know that there’s an easy alternative.  A couple of emails or about 2-3 minutes of IM conversation rife with misunderstanding is all it takes for me to say "I’m just going to call you."

This week alone I have had several near-misunderstandings with a couple of friends.  TheGamerGirl and I both worried that our friend Miz was angry or upset or not talking to us because of short responses (she was busy) or lack of any response (again, busy).  Just yesterday, I couldn’t figure out in an email thread whether Princess was thinking out loud and trying to plan or if she was actively trying to spare my feelings.  All of these were remedied by a quick phone call and a friendly chat…  but before that happened, there was this waste of time, unnecessary stress and a creation of a situation that didn’t exist.  We ALL do this probably more often than we realize.

But what about the situations where a phone call isn’t possible?  I participate on Digg, for example, and find that I am often misunderstood.  Granted, sometimes I think that it’s an intentional misreading of the words I have written (several times), but the issue also occurs when I am, for whatever reason, not choosing the words that most accurately convey my meaning.  Is it a lack of vocabulary, either on my part or theirs?  Is it simply that there are concepts that exist that defy conventional writing?

How many words does it take to say "I love you"?  In my experience, none at all.  It’s a look in your eyes, or the way you behave.  You don’t have to say it to know that it’s true.  But how many phrases to we find ourselves trying to create because there simply is no textual equivalent?  Probably more than any of us realize.

Think about all your non-verbal communication in a day.  Not even posture, but every time you smile or clap or check your watch in a deliberate fashion.  How much are we sacrificing in an attempt to save time or to span distance?  And, really, is it worth it?

When I got home last night Spawn was cleaning the kitchen and whistling while he did it.  Something got through.  It was the whistling, more than anything, that really took me off guard, though.

I had a conversation with a former co-worker of mine.  He had the same experience as I did, except that disparaging remarks were made about his work rather than his personality.  He told me who it was in his case…  I would be surprised if it was the same person with me because I always thought that person liked me…  then again, so did he

I hate feeling set up by people I care about.  Too often I feel like my opinion is only asked when they 1) already know what I’m going to say and 2) intend to do something other than what they already know I’m going to say about it.  This means that when things go wrong, they can look to me and have me say "I told you so", which is not something I generally say, and certainly not something I *enjoy* saying.  At the same time, I’m not particularly fond of saying "Be careful about this specific issue that I’m worried about" only to find, months down the road, that the very situation has arisen and now I’m supposed to be sympathetic to something "that would never EVER happen in my situation". 

I hate when people steal my lines.  I hate it more when they do it in an apparent attempt to be endearing or cute.  I try not to do it to others (except for memes, but that’s something entirely different, they’re memes, they’re *supposed* to be viral), not even to grab a hot topic in the blogosphere.  Ironically, there’s a current hot topic in one of the circles I sometimes skirt that hits home and is applicable to a situation that I am trying not to be involved in.  As much as I’d like to write generically on the topic, I know that some would assume that the reason is something other than it really is, so I’ll save that for another time…  once it’s not a "hot" topic anymore.

My Canadian manager’s first language is French, so he has some odd speech habits in English.  As a result, I find that I very much enjoy breaking certain language "rules" and playing with the language and grammar.  I don’t do it in ways that are obscure or that will hinder him learning more about English or will cause people to understand him less, but I like to think they’re ways that will help him better understand what is possible within the language since, honestly, I think a lot of the English rules (especially US English) are much more flexible than many other languages.

I speak more precisely and slowly when I’m speaking to someone with a heavy accent.  A lot of people have told me that it’s easier to understand me than other Americans, who tend to SHOUT instead of speak slowly and deliberately.  I still want to know if it’s easier for ESL folks to understand other ESL people with the same accent, or if it’s easier to understand native English speakers or if it depends on the teacher.  I wonder about a lot of random things.

I’m really ready for this year to end.  Spawn agrees and claims "I’m done with 2007."  My reply, of course, is, "Yeah, but 2007 isn’t done with YOU."  Or with me.  Or with any of you.  But I am certainly ready for it to end.  I think I’m also done with this post.

How is it that we have gotten to the point of complaicent discomfort in our long-distance travel?  That we not only accept, but EXPECT for travel to be unpleasant and we pay through the nose for it?

This article, once again, hammered that point home to me.  Millions of people fly every year to visit family, friends, or just for a vacation, but they also wait forever in lines where they are suspected and inspected in ways that don’t even actually increase the security of the flights.

Which brings me to my point, when almost every technologically-advanced country in the world, except us, already has a high-speed rail option, which is comparable on short (3 hour) journeys to air travel and significantly more comfortable for the even longer trips.  Within the US, however, high-speed rail is only a theory, maybe in the so-called planning stages.

Further, people have been convinced that people wouldn’t use HSR *even if it were available*.  Except that more and more people are UP IN ARMS about their treatment by the airlines.  Even those trips that would be a little longer would be shorter trips than the ones that are delayed overnight where one *might* get a motel room, but probably not.

People have been convinced that the reason the railroads haven’t been successful is because they can’t compete, but they can’t compete because they’re not capable of long-distance travel that takes less time than it takes to drive.  There are plenty of people who would rather not fly, for whatever reason, but simply cannot take the train several thousand miles because of time investment.  With HSR, this would be less of an issue.

How have we, as a nation, come to the point where we will stand in ridiculous lines, take our shoes off, be subject to random searches, not be allowed to take water or toothpaste or whatever on board with you, while studies have shown that these measures don’t prevent terror-related activities?  And not only do we do this, but we pay ridiculous amounts of money for the priviledge to do so.

Where’s my damn bullet train?  There are places I’d like to go and people I’d like to see, but I’m unwilling to go through all the hassle for the sheer amount of money.  I’d rather keep closer to the ground and not travel with the same level of comfort as a Greyhound Bus.  I want my bullet train!

I’ve tried, really I have, and I can’t come to any conclusion other than I have failed, miserably, at teaching my child to be responsible for his own actions and choices.  I doesn’t help, of course, that I’m consistently fighting the other parental half saying "He’s only [insert age], it’s something he’ll learn with time."

Well, at 14 he hasn’t learned it yet, and for the past TEN years he’s flat-out refused to do his part to contribute to any household.

Every now and again, he’ll clean up a hairball from one of the cats.  Usually, he puts a new trash bag in the trash can.  Outside of that, there is nothing at all that he does around the house without first being told.  Not asked, because asked means that he will decline.  "Spawn, will you please do some dishes so I can make dinner tonight?"  "Will I or I have to?"  Because "will you?" clearly means if you don’t do it, then I will happily wash the dishes and make you dinner, and then I’ll do the dishes afterward too.

Yeah…  not so much.

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I always know who will text vs. who will call. Those who email are unpredictable.

I don’t know who will comment well wishes, nor do I know who I will comment *to*, but those are the only X factors, really.

I love the mix of predictability and unpredictability of those who make the point… even those who do it on a whim.

There has to be at least one bright side to the whole thing, and since it’s Thanksgiving, we’ll go ahead and list them out.

1) I still have a job, even if it’s not the one I wanted.

2) I’m still getting my raise (it’s like a consolation prize - do you want money or happiness?  Happiness.  Ok, you get money.  Thanks for playing.)

3) I don’t have to wake up earlier to (3a) take a longer bus ride including a transfer.  (3b) Which would have cost more.

4) I’m only just starting to find conversation starters that work with my pseudo-community on the bus.  I’m starting to know people’s names and starting to chat with the faces that I see every morning.

5) I really do work with a great group of people and I’m not sorry to remain working with them.

Things I am actually *thankful* for:

1) Finally being able to have a real relationship with my father’s widow.

2) Feeling like Spawn and I are establishing a good relationship that we will be able to continue to build on, and on more of a peer-basis.

3) Supportive friends and family who are ALWAYS there for me and who accept me as I am.

4) I work for a company that treats me very well and has earned my loyalty.

I think that’s good enough for now.  Happy Thanksgiving!

I am NOT getting a new job. My guy at my company pitched me, but there were “indications that it might be a bad idea” for me to go back there.

Now I thought that I was well-respected and well-liked there. I have worked hard to establish myself, but I (and others) have always had questions about the circumstances under which I was asked to leave.

I have some answers now.

Appartently, there is someone in a position of power who dislikes me *SO MUCH* that there is concern he or she may try to sabotage me if I go back there again. This person cannot STAND me to the point of not being willing to work on the same floor as I do.

I was told that the general consensus is that the feeling is mutual. I have no idea who that person could possibly be, since I harbor no ill feelings toward *anyone* there. Apparently, everyone else had nothing but positive things to say about me and this has nothing to do with my work ethic or job performance. It’s nothing more than an extreme personal dislike for me.

This is the pettiest, most outrageous behavior I have ever heard of and have no idea why it is tolerated, at managerial levels, in a multinational conglomerate. I’m absolutely astounded that anyone is allowed to behave this way and to let personal feelings get this out of control. Keep in mind, I left that location TWO YEARS ago and this person still hates me with a passion. If this person leaves or is promoted out of the department, I could go back there, but that would be the only case.

You can’t make this stuff up. At least, I can’t.

I’m tired of paying the consequences for the actions and idiocy of other people. I believe in karma within one’s lifetime and this person’s venom and poison will come back to him or her, but DAY-UM. This is pretty ridiculous in the right now.

*…doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.*

Almost immediately after getting off the bus, the sky lit up and there was a resounding *BOOM*. I looked up, thinking that it was a thundeestorm, only to see a shower of color coming from behind the university. I stood there for a minute, watching, then ran to get Spawn and his friend who had come over for dinner. They first thought it was a thunderstorm, then that our upstairs neighbor was moving something large and heavy.

We all watched the fireworks for a while, speculating on the reason for them, eventually coming to the conclusion that, since they started as soon as I got off the bus, clearly, they were in honor of me coming home.

Yes, I am *that* fabulous.

Woe be to those whose email address I have (not from comments, I mean you’ve given me your email address for actual correspondence) for their time shall be wasted to the end of eternity.

I start spam.  Not the annoying spam, I mean the kinds of things that were really cute, the first time you got it, back in 1996.  I rarely forward anything and, frankly, most of the stuff that gets forwarded to me are things I’ve seen before.

But random crap on the internet finds me.  All.  The.  Time.  So I share it.  And I’m usually the first one to share it, and about a year or two later, it comes back to me and I reply saying "Didn’t I send this to you back in…?"  And, of course, I not only did, but I saved the original spam in my Sent Items folder.

This weekend a friend of mine posted that he was going to start blogging via email.  And the heavens opened, the clouds parted, a chorus of angels sang and a ray of sunlight came through and BONKED me on the head.

I mean, I wasn’t using my review blog anymore, anyway…  it was just sitting there not doing anything, and people who aren’t on my list should be able to waste time on the crap I send to people I know, too!

It was just obvious.  Now whenever I send cool spam out to people, I can auto blog it via email to a direct archive.

And let me just say, my email thanked me for it.