I’ve known for a long time now that when I turned 40 I would be a cougar. The definition is a woman who is over the age of 40 and prefers the company of men at least 8 years younger than herself. I can do that, but really? I have to wait another 5 years?
Fuuuuuuuuck that.
So I went online and posted an ad. The subject line was the same as it is here and I got more replies than I expected. Okay, okay, I didn’t expect any responses, but apparently a woman actively looking for a younger man is rather appealing, even if she is a fat chick BBW.
To be completely honest, there’s some measure of me needing this confidence booster. I feel like I’m seeing more and more out there about how fat chicks are gross and how fat automatically equals UGLY. No, not ugly, FUGLY. It’s disheartening, especially for a single, plus-sized gal (with a cute face).
I’ve mostly given up on most internet dating sites (again, and for now). When I first starting the internet dating thing, the internet was in its infancy and everything was free. Now there’s not much free and though you can create profiles, you can’t do much else unless BOTH people are members of whatever site. I haven’t found one that is able to give me consistently compatible matches and, until that happens, I refuse to pay the $25-50/month for a subscription.
So what are my options? Bars don’t work because, if nothing else, I’m almost always going out with boys. I generally look taken, even though I’m not. There’s also an element of people not approaching me. I’m too fat and my personality is too big and too loud. I’m too forward and maybe looking at the wrong guys. I don’t know, but it’s not working. I’m doing something wrong when I go out, but I have no idea at all what I can do differently. I don’t have girlfriends, really, and the few I do have aren’t interested in going out like that.
So Craigslist it is and Craigslist it will be. If I’m only in training anyway, then I can train using a free site that may or may not lead to results.
Guys my age aren’t interested in me and I’m not interested in the 50+ year old guys who reply to my emails. So I’ll train as a cougar and see what that gets me. So far, at least I can be honest and see if it’s well-received.
They say that $60,000/year is the extent that money can buy happiness. Making more than that only allows you to want more entertainment or bigger things. Less than that creates stress about (you guessed it) money and making ends meet. I find this particularly interesting because taking a second job this year has pushed me just about to that point and, frankly, I have never been happier.
For once in my life, I’m not stressing about bills. I’m able to pay more than the minimum payment on my student loan. I make my rent without late fees EVERY MONTH. My cable and phone and utilities are getting paid ON TIME. For once.
I have money to play with. I can go see touring productions of Broadway shows. I can afford extra movies. I can buy nice presents for the people in my life and I’m saving for this cruise to Bermuda. I went shopping today and bought things I needed without worrying if I could actually afford it. I caught an amazing sale and I bargain shopped. I don’t see me losing my thriftiness, but it’s nice to be able to buy the things I need without having to sacrifice something else. For once.
I still have time to spend with friends and to do fun things, but not as much as I’d like. The downside to all of this is that I had to take a second job to get here. I’d much prefer having a single job that paid me, honestly, 50% more than what I currently make (at the primary gig), but if I have to work these extra hours to get here, I can certainly do it for a calendar year. I’ll reassess at the end of this when I’m forced to take 3 months off. I don’t know what my answer will be at that point.
But I do believe that They are right. Money can buy happiness to a certain extent. Or maybe just buy the ability to allow yourself that happiness. Not having to stress about finances is a much bigger deal than I think anyone wants to admit. And it turns out that not stressing about money starts at $60k.
I didn’t realize it was becoming a “thing” for me, but for the past couple of years, my focus has been honed and each year sort of gets a theme.
Two years ago, I decided to focus on cleaning up my life, both figuratively and literally. I threw and gave THINGS away. I cleaned my house, then I cleaned it again, then I got rid of some of the clutter and I cleaned it again… imagine I kept writing that sentence and you get the idea. I stopped being a packrat (again, and probably not for the last time, but I”m getting better). I purged some of the mental clutter. I purged the virtual clutter. I figured shit out. I worked on my wardrobe, both giving much of it away and bringing in classic pieces that I’ll wear for years. I’m still working on it, but it’s not a focus anymore. My life is mostly in shape, as much as it’s an ongoing process.
Last year was focused on my health. My health insurance through work is really, really excellent and was even more excellent in 2009. I got all the doctor’s appointments and testing done. I underwent physical therapy to strengthen my ankle and improve my overall stability. I quit smoking (1 year and 17 days ago). I joined the coop and started buying affordable local and organic foods more consistently. Now I feel like I”m on the right track. I know exactly what I need to do next, but I”m still working on the how of it, but it doesn’t have to be a focus anymore.
This year I’m focused on money. I took a second job and am making payments on a science cruise to Bermuda in May 2011. This will be my reward for all my hard work, and since I am required to take a 3 month leave from my second job starting in April 2011, the timing of the cruise is excellent. The more caught up I get on expenses and debt (I don’t have much), the closer I get to being able to develop a real savings plan, which is the next major milestone for me in terms of money.
Now that the year is nearly 2/3 of the way over, I can start planning for next year, knowing, that if the pattern holds up, this money focus will bleed into next year. So next year’s theme is travel. I’ve been wanting to take a trip to DC with Spawn to see the holocaust museum, among other things and he’s really been wanting to go. I have my cruise to Bermuda already scheduled and it should be paid off by (*knock on wood*) February 2011. Again, if the pattern holds, then we can count the promised trip “Anywhere you want to go” when Spawn graduates as the bleed over effect.
It’s weird. I hadn’t realized until recently that I’ve been theming my years, but now that I’m aware of it, maybe I can make it even more productive and focused. Either that or abandon the idea completely. I don’t think either of those extremes will actually happen, but I also think it might not be a bad idea if either of them did.