Mother said, “The world is a lot more dangerous now than it was when I was a kid” and she meant it. She claimed that the drug culture didn’t exist to the same extent in the 70′s as it does today. She claimed that girls are at a greater risk now than they were at any time in the past.
I just happen to think she’s delusional.
As soon as her daughter turned 18, she took off. She packed her things and went, leaving her mother wondering where she’d gone. Maybe Daughter wasn’t the street-smartest person, but when you live a smotheringly sheltered life, that’s somewhat to be expected. In fact, her promiscuity, early recreational drug use, and teenage drinking were warning signs that everyone except Mother saw… and many of us knew exactly what was going to happen.
Daughter hitchhiked across the country, taking rides from shady characters. She followed jam bands, experiemented with drugs and squatted in condemned buildings with teenage runaways, addicts, and free spirits. She exposed herself to some of the greatest dangers that the 21st century has to offer and experimented with things that, some say, “kids” have no business being exposed to at all.
But we proclaim people adults at 18, even when we don’t treat them that way. And, in addition to all the dangerous and stupid things she saw and did, Daughter learned how to survive. She learned to take responsibility for herself; how to make money, how to find shelter (sometimes temporary), how to meet new people and leverage contacts. She found people long-lost from her life. She took ownership of her own life and, while she made mistakes, some of them big and scary, SHE made them.
As a society, we are loathe to allow our children to make mistakes. It’s more and more common that we protect our children from imaginary dangers. More and more parents are putting their children on gluten-free, 100% organic or vegan diets to prevent them from developing food allergies, even though a lack of exposure to common things is more dangerous than identifying allergies that actually exist. More and more parents are armed with anti-bacterial gels and wipes and don’t allow their children to be exposed to the very germs that strengthen their immune systems.
Is it really any surprise that when we don’t allow our kids to make their own mistakes, the mistakes they make as “adults” are That. Much. Worse?
Well Mother certainly was surprised and she took it out on me and my opinions. I am of the opinion that travel is good for young adults and that late-teens/early-20′s is the ONLY time that they can get the full benefits of traveling. At that time, with a few exceptions, they have no real responsibilities. If they work, they have a job that they can quit and replace. If they’re in school, they are exposed to opportunities for travel and study abroad. Once you start a career path or a family, it becomes significantly more difficult to just up and go.
But I am wrong, because the world is a dangerous place. Particularly for children. And more dangerous than it ever was before.
Hrm. Okay. So the 60′s weren’t dangerous? Birth control was new and meant that men didn’t need to wear a condom anymore, so STD rates shot up. Nowadays, we are better informed, at least those of us in states with sex ed programs, and those of us who are old enough to remember Ryan White and the AIDS scare in the 80′s. So the likelihood of a girl getting a disease is lessened.
In fact, let’s talk about the 60′s and 70′s and how “safe” they were. Should we look at Altamont? Kent State? The Manson Family? These were defining features and moments of the decades that Mother told me were “much safer”. When the world is in turmoil and people are protesting the actions of the government, they are putting themselves in harm’s way. When the world is in turmoil and people are outraged, the outrage and danger affect other aspects of American life, like free rock concerts. There are no American parallels to those events in the 2000s.
Technology serves to keep us more in touch with long-distance friends and family. Instead of getting a collect call once a week (at best), family and friends can see Facebook activity several times a week, if not a day. Cell phones make long-distance calls easy and text messaging allows check-ins without actually having to talk or listen. If someone was kidnapped or otherwise in peril, a lack of communication would become obvious a whole lot faster than in any other decade. So in terms of knowing when someone goes missing, it’s much safer today, and easier to track someone using their phone’s GPS chip.
Drugs, though. There more prevalent, more potent, more dangerous. It’s easier to get them today, and you’re more likely to overdose or get addicted or whatever BS argument is going to be used. The truth is, drugs are everywhere and if someone is going to use, it’s not going to matter if they live at home or 3000 miles away. I happen to know for a fact that Daughter was using drugs and alcohol well before she turned 18, let alone before she skipped town. So I can’t accept this as a factor that makes traveling more dangerous.
The more I look at it, the safer it seems to me, but the root of the issues aren’t travel or safety or the condition of the nation or world. The issues are a lack of common sense and street smarts. There’s an unwillingness to expose our children to the realities of today’s world. We want them to magically accept responsibility at 18, without ever having been able to make a mistake or having to take responsibility for their own actions prior.
That’s what’s dangerous about the 21st century. Not the world we live in, but this seemingly common unwillingness to expose our kids to it.
I’ll take the metaphorical punches. I’ll stand there while you scream at me about how dangerous the world is and how terrible an idea it is to let your adult teenager travel and see the nation or world, but when MY kid goes out to see the world, he’ll be prepared for it, and I won’t have to worry about him too much. Meanwhile, Mother can pretty well expect that Daughter will take off again after she’s rested and recovered and been driven out again by the smothering.