Awkward…
May 13th, 2005*sigh*
(The above *sigh* should by now indicate to you that I will be crushing for the remainder of this post. Feel free to stop reading now 
)
Lisa said “*thump thump… thump thump*” (yes, she’s picking up on the asterisks thing) when I came back in from smoking with my crush, but she didn’t yet understand that it was a fairly awkward situation, rather than a heart-thumping one.
We were talking about plans for upcoming days/weeks/weekends and he started talking to me about the wedding he’ll be conducting in a few weeks (yes, he’s a licensed minister, but non-religious. Go figure, it used to be a son of a preacher man and now… *shakes head*). As it turns out, the two people who are getting married happen to have the same names and he and I. He was “practicing” the whole bit about traditional wedding vows and, I can only assume it was completely unthinking on his part.
“Do you, [my name], take this man, [his name], to be your lawfully wedded husband… (blah blah, you know the words)”
In that moment, neither one of us made eye contact. I was entirely focused on keeping my poker face, not blushing, not giving myself away while it was visibly dawning on him what the undertones of what he was saying really were. It was one of those awkward moments that make you feel like a teenager again, and not just for me. He was looking everywhere except at my face and the couple of times our eyes nearly met, it’s hard to say who looked away faster.
“… for as long as you both shall live?” And he looks at me. As if I’m going to say “I do”! Which, of course, would currently make me a bigamist (legally if not practically or spiritually). The silence that followed was one of the largest silences I have ever had the pain to be a part of. I hope I pulled off a wry, sheepish smile as I kept my mouth shut, but it was hard since the silence between us was less of a “silence” and more of a FUCKING SILENCE.
Finally, he mumbled “She says yes…” and then continued with the other side. “Do you, [his name], take this woman, [my name]…”
You know, I feel more strongly now that he’s thinking or feeling the same things I am, based solely on his reaction and awkwardness to this situation, but I must say, at the same time, this is a place I don’t even want to THINK about going, let alone be forced to freakin’ experience. I mean, come on! I understand that he was simply talking about this impending wedding that he is an integral part of, but holy crap did that scare me.
I wonder, though, if the irony of the names had escaped him up to that point. I wonder if it’s going to set his thoughts on a frightening course or if it will cause him to think of me. More than anything I wonder if it will prompt him into action.
I am ready and waiting… here’s hoping I get to see him this weekend.
Here’s hoping even more that he hasn’t/won’t google my handle and stumble across my blog
~FG };^>
