Campfyre Stories

Trying desperately to get ready for my trip to Washington DC.  I’ll be gone for a week and insanely busy the whole time.  I think I’m also still recovering from Falcon Ridge and I’m also trying to prepare for my birthday, which is getting closer a lot faster than I’d like.

Here’s the schedule:

8/15-8/21 Washington DC and all related goings-on (I’ll try to blog, but no promises)
8/22 Cable people come to turn the internet on in my apartment (2 years without computer-based internet…  Daisy is a mighty fine substitute)
8/23 Tropic Thunder with Spawn and Princess
8/25 Back to mundane work
8/26 American Teen with Princess
8/29 Mom’s birthday
8/31 my birthday and party
9/1 Labor day and little brother’s birthday

Meanwhile, people are trying to get me to make plans for October!  And February!  And April!  Oh hells no.  I’m just trying to get through the month of August right now.  I can’t even think about trying to get out to Boston to visit Girl and see The Dark Knight in IMAX.  I can’t even think about Spawn’s birthday (9/24) and what I’m going to get him…  the bar is really high right now.

And I just keep thinking about how someday…  somewhen…  I’ll be able to sleep.  Or even just to rest.  Yeah, I’m looking forward to THAT day.

Convince Spawn to hang out at home long enough to sign for my many packages
Turn the jungle into a backyard
Set up firepit
Buy chairs for party.  Heh.
Birthday presents for 8 million people
Back to school shopping for Spawn
Attempt to catch up on Movie Night, despite missing two weeks this month
Clean out the back room
Make room on desk for new computer
THROW THINGS AWAY
Help Spawn plan (and later prepare) a meal for his girlfriend when she comes to visit
Go to DC for work
Send postcards to 80 million people
Deal with birthday week
Throw a party/barbeque

Just looking at that list makes me tired.

Ok, so I’m home and boy do I have a saga to tell!

But, there’s so much that, once again, I’m going to break it down by day.  I have 5 days to tell about and I’m not even entirely sure if I’ll be able to remember all the stories and pieces that I want to tell.

If you want to wait for the whole thing instead of reading it in installments, come back in a week

Otherwise, I’ll give you the day-to-day rundown starting sometime this afternoon…

So I know I told you about the guy at the bus stop.  And I know I made mention of the pathetic and desperate loser on the bus.  And it’s weird that these things are happenning, because, as a fat chick, I am unaccustomed to being targeted, especially so aggressively,  but it just keeps going…

Well, on Sunday, I was running around like a madwoman.  I had just started my laundry and was power-walking to pick up some smokes.  I smiled at a guy sitting on a bench as I walked past and he smiled back.  No biggie.  But then, when I was coming back, he says "Are you in a hurry?"  "Define hurry," I said, because I kind of was, but didn’t actually need to be.

"You’re walking really fast.  I was just wondering if you had time to stop and talk to me."

"Um.  Ok.  You can have 5 minutes.  What’s up?"

"Oh, I’m just waiting on a friend, and was getting kind of lonely."

Huh.  So we chatted for a minute and then his friend showed up.  I took back off and finished my chores.

THEN, on Monday, as I was walking to the bus stop, TWO carloads of people slowed down to lean out the windows and shout "Heeeyyyy!" at me.

Here’s the thing.  I’m not doing anything differently.  I haven’t started wearing makeup or doing my hair.  Hell, I haven’t had a haircut or touched up the color in probably too long at this point.  In fact, most of the time when these people are hitting on or catcalling me I’m sweating like crazy because it’s hot and I’ve been power-walking for miles, or I’m just waking up and still partially asleep.

I don’t know why any of this is happening, but I’m not displeased.  Just a little confuzzled.

So I have decided that with all this attraction that I am apparently sending out to the world, now is the perfect time for me to try…  speed dating.

Yes, that’s right, I said speed dating.  And it’s something I’ve been wanting to experience for some time now.  In fact, Princess and I have been discussing it for YEARS.  Unfortunately, she will be out of town for the first such event in our area.  I guess I’m gonna fly this one solo, which is ok, because I think I have some kind of mojo on my side.  I feel like I’m *supposed* to go to this.

Worst case, I get a good blog post out of it, though, right?

… it’s that I really dislike airplanes.

So I’ll be going on a work hard/play hard business trip in August down in D.C.  I asked my company if it was ok for me to take the train (only a 6 hour ride) instead of flying and my statement that I don’t mind flying, but I can’t stand planes elicited laughter.

But it’s true.  There’s no leg room, there’s no getting up and walking around, everyone is in a bad mood and trapped in this squished cabin, it’s expensive and I doubt they’d let me carry on my guitar (which I am not leaving at home for a week).  Planes, to me, feel like being on Greyhound, and I do adore trains.

Not only can I get up and walk around, I can go to a communal area and connect with other people.  I can not only bring, but play my guitar.  I can sleep, I can plug in, most trains have wi-fi these days, certainly they must from NYC to DC.

I can’t neglect to mention the stories.  I mean, think about it.  Wouldn’t you rather read cool stories about interesting people I met or unusual encounters I had than to hear me complain about being trapped in a tin can with pissed off people who just wanted to be there already?  Gods forbid that something actually HAPPENS on a plane, really.  It would be just my luck to wind up on a plane where someone has a medical emergency in the seat next to me.

Yeah, not so much with the whole plane business.

So I’m gonna take the train and, in a very cool turn of events, I have a ride home with my boss.

Of course, I have a whole month before this even happens and all kinds of plans during that time…

I cannot wait to leave.  9 more days until I pick up my rental car (whatever they give me), pack all my and Spawn’s crap into it and head to a farm in the middle of nowhere for 5 days of music, dancing, sunshine, shopping, friends…  all that stuff.

Never mind that I have to confirm that someone is, actually, going to feed my cats.  Never mind that I still have to clean one more room of the house.  Never mind that this coming weekend is one where Spawn is home and I’ll have to follow him around with a bullwhip to ensure that the rest of the house stays in the decent condition that it’s already in.  None of that stuff matters.  What matters is I am going to my festival!

Every weekend I’m busting my ass to get a little closer to ready, a little less frantic, a little more antsy about it.

In addition, I’m finding that, suddenly, I seem to be in high demand for various things.  Phone calls, invitations, conversations on the street, demands/requests on my time of whatever sort, and this is in addition to all the plans I’ve already made.  NOT that I’m complaining, mind.  In fact, I kind of enjoy it, as long as it’s not actively infringing on my preparations to leave.  Which it’s not.  Not yet, anyway.

So now I just have to finish a room, keep up on the rest of the house, try to get in touch with my family’s attorney and sell dad’s land, see Batman with Spawn, confirm the catsitter and get the hell outta town. 

Cake and pie.  This is totally doable.

… but apparently, people who know me are, once again, reading way too much into what I write.

So start here:  You’re So Vain.  Then come back.

Done?  Remember that?  Good.

This vanity is something I really just don’t get.  There’s this self-absorption that some people fall into that makes them think that everything I say MUST be about them and, frankly, when it comes to the blog I am sick and tired of it.

This is the part where I actually do talk about and, a little bit TO, someone else.

A friend of mine told me about someone else who read, what I can only assume is, this post and turned it into something that was targeted to two specific people.  Guess what, it’s not.  It’s about a laundry list of people who have been so completely ineffectual as MY friends that I refuse to put any more effort into anything anymore.

Here’s the straight dish:  a few months back, I almost gave up on something that I’ve been doing and enjoying for close to 5 years because of the hassle of including other people.  It became a burden and one that yielded nothing but MORE WORK for me, and work I didn’t want to have to do.  I brought it up with the ONE person who actually matters to me in relation to the situation and we ended the extra work and went back to what made it enjoyable in the first place.

That’s where it all started.  Not with recent events, not with specific outings, but with a fun, inclusive idea that started to ruin a long-held tradition.

Since then, I have found myself losing patience with (again) a long list of people who have not, in my opinion, been holding up their end of the friendship.  Not only does it make me question those people, it makes me question my judgment in people and, specifically, some of the ones I choose as friends.

If I am the one who has to initiate conversations, almost exclusively, then you are not being a good friend.  If all my invitations are rebuffed, then I’m going to stop inviting you places.  If the start and finish of our "friendship" is on your terms, then I’m out.  I do not have the time or patience to bust my ass maintaining a one-sided friendship.

That said, it doesn’t take much to BE my friend.  Even if I’ve emotionally swept you out and written you off, it doesn’t take much to reignite friendship with me.  All it takes is a little bit of effort on your part and I’ll give it right back, but at this point, if you’ve already been cleaned out, then you’ll only get from me as good as you give and if you never took me up on my invitations, they won’t start coming again anytime soon.  It’s not worth the feelings of rejection that I have to deal with.  It’s just not.

I’m not sure which is more insulting, the idea that this so-called friend decided that I was petty enough to start writing people off over a single situation, or the fact that he not only didn’t say anything to me (and hasn’t said anything to me in weeks) but started talking shit about me to OTHER PEOPLE who may or may not have even been involved.  Probably the former more than the latter, but either way, fucking insulting.

Nosy or voyeuristic, bored and having nothing to do or actually interested, I think that the vast majority of people who know me in person should probably just not read my blog and, instead, TALK TO ME.  Because this site isn’t anywhere near the full range of experiences I have, nor is it the full span of stories I could tell  Hell, I even setup a Plurk account so that I could micro-blog some of the crazy little things that I see, hear, experience, whatever and there is still more that goes on and never gets written down.

I went to Portland to visit a friend of mine who reads my blog and we still had things to talk about.  I had things to say that weren’t posts on the blog.  Amazing, isn’t it?  I see Princess at least once a week, we talk on the phone several times a week, we email almost every day and, despite the fact that she reads my blog, we still have things to talk about…  a lot of things, actually, we both really like to talk.

Not even half of what goes on in my life gets posted here.  I have a strong personal ethical code that guides my blogging.  Notice that I don’t really talk about work and, if I even do, I don’t give specifics.  Notice that the only REAL names I use up here are those of people who use their real names online in some form.  Notice how many times I have said "Not for public consumption" or "Not my story to tell (online)" or something else to that effect.  Some of those stories DO get told, but privately and, generally, out loud as opposed to written down.

And there is still no category for "Other People’s Drama".  Nor will there ever be.  I don’t have the patience for OPD and when it affects me directly, all it does is piss me off, so I write about how I got all pissed off and it’s my reactions and my emotions more than it is about whatever some anonymous person did.  Most times I don’t even bother with their details, only my own reactions.

So get over yourself.  It’s not about you, it’s about ME.

So…  they call me "Sunshine".

This is not a recent thing.  It occurred to me the last time someone did that, that people have been calling me "Sunshine" for most of my life.  It’s people who don’t really know me, but see me on a regular basis, like the people behind the counter at the cafes that I frequent, or folks who I know well enough that they might call me a pet name.

It’s weird.

I asked around to find out if anyone could tell me WHY they call me "Sunshine" and the reaction from most people was "Well, *I* don’t call you that."  And they don’t, but a lot of random people do.

I suppose I can come off as rather sunny and have been known, in exceptionally perky moments to say "I am a merry ray of sunshine", but only ever to someone I knew, and, let’s be honest here, more as a warning of just how perky I was feeling that particular morning than some kind of "call me Sunshine" kind of invitation.

Thinking about it, though, I realized that a lot of people count on me for optimism.  There are a few instances that I can think of where the people around me have been highly rattled by the fact that I was DOWN, whether that meant depressed or angry or completely apathetic.  Without a chipper smile or a "bright side" to relay, it makes people very nervous…  Most nervous when I don’t even make an effort to hide it.

But in general, I’m not really all that sunshiny.  I’m snarky and sarcastic and kind of bitchy and judgmental and sometimes mean.  Of course, that said, I hang around with people who tend to be even worse than I am about that sort of thing, so maybe it’s a comparison bit.

I’m not sure if I’m doing something wrong or right that people who don’t know me not only think of me that way, but turn it into my name-of-convenience.

Although I suppose there is some potential correlation between being the FyreGoddess and the sun being a giant ball of fire in the sky.  Maybe I just need to spin this whole thing a little better…

I am overcommitted.  I’m not entirely sure how it happened, but all my time has been taken up and what little I thought I had has somehow filled up.

This music thing is not really getting the results I wanted, but the one or two people who are actually interested seem to be actually interested, and want to schedule time to get together.  I’m not sure where that time is.  My mother signed me up to help with a personal project I have been wanting to do for ages, but I’m not going to be able to fit it in.  My brother needs me to go up to Dad’s old place and try to finish clearing it out so we can sell it.  I think I can make time, but I don’t know how much.

Meanwhile, I’ve still got movie nights and open mics and Spawn and work and travel time and an impending vacation that I don’t know if I’m really ready for as yet.  I still need to find someone to take care of my cats, I still need to make the list of things to bring, I still need to dig out the stuff that I only need once a year…  and as of tomorrow, I have 2 weeks to do EVERYTHING.

Maybe I’m starting to panic just a little.

But I also know it’s all going to work out.  In the meantime, I have to figure out how to schedule all the things I’m just too busy to do…

Stolen from pumaviking, who stole it from Princess.  Bold = seen, underlined = own, italics = on my netflix queue (or something).

1. Pulp Fiction (1994)
2. The Lord of the Rings trilogy (2001-03)
3. Titanic (1997)
4. Blue Velvet (1986)
5. Toy Story (1995)
6. Saving Private Ryan (1998)
7. Hannah and Her Sisters (1986)
8. The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
9. Die Hard (1988)
10. Moulin Rouge (2001)
11. This Is Spinal Tap (1984) (going to buy this.  The boy insists)
12. The Matrix (1999)
13. GoodFellas (1990)
14. Crumb (1995)
15. Edward Scissorhands (1990)
16. Boogie Nights (1997)
17. Jerry Maguire (1996)
18. Do the Right Thing (1989)
19. Casino Royale (2006)
20. The Lion King (1994)
21. Schindler’s List (1993)
22. Rushmore (1998)
23. Memento (2001)
24. A Room With a View (1986)
25. Shrek (2001)
26. Hoop Dreams (1994)
27. Aliens (1986)
28. Wings of Desire (1988)
29. The Bourne Supremacy (2004)
30. When Harry Met Sally… (1989)
31. Brokeback Mountain (2005) (hated this movie so very much)
32. Fight Club (1999)
33. The Breakfast Club (1985)
34. Fargo (1996)
35. The Incredibles (2004)
36. Spider-Man 2 (2004)
37. Pretty Woman (1990)
38. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
39. The Sixth Sense (1999)
40. Speed (1994)
41. Dazed and Confused (1993)
42. Clueless (1995)
43. Gladiator (2000)
44. The Player (1992)
45. Rain Man (1988)
46. Children of Men (2006) (hated this movie so very much)
47. Men in Black (1997)
48. Scarface (1983)
49. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000)
50. The Piano (1993)
51. There Will Be Blood (2007)
52. The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad (1988)
53. The Truman Show (1998)
54. Fatal Attraction (1987)
55. Risky Business (1983)
56. The Lives of Others (2006)
57. There’s Something About Mary (1998)
58. Ghostbusters (1984)
59. L.A. Confidential (1997)
60. Scream (1996)
61. Beverly Hills Cop (1984)
62. sex, lies and videotape (1989)
63. Big (1988)
64. No Country For Old Men (2007)
65. Dirty Dancing (1987)
66. Natural Born Killers (1994)
67. Donnie Brasco (1997)
68. Witness (1985)
69. All About My Mother (1999)
70. Broadcast News (1987)
71. Unforgiven (1992)
72. Thelma & Louise (1991)
73. Office Space (1999)
74. Drugstore Cowboy (1989)
75. Out of Africa (1985)
76. The Departed (2006)
77. Sid and Nancy (1986)
78. Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)
79. Waiting for Guffman (1996)
80. Michael Clayton (2007)
81. Moonstruck (1987)
82. Lost in Translation (2003)
83. Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn (1987)
84. Sideways (2004)
85. The 40 Year-Old Virgin (2005)
86. Y Tu Mamá También (2002)
87. Swingers (1996)
88. Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997)
89. Breaking the Waves (1996)
90. Napoleon Dynamite (2004) (this was so horrible, I don’t understand why people love it so much.  I just wanted to smack that kid)
91. Back to the Future (1985)
92. Menace II Society (1993)
93. Ed Wood (1994) (one of only a few Burton’s I don’t own)
94. Full Metal Jacket (1987)
95. In the Mood for Love (2001)
96. Far From Heaven (2002)
97. Glory (1989)
98. The Talented Mr. Ripley (1999)
99. The Blair Witch Project (1999)
100. South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut (1999)

So I counted and I think it’s 67 that I’ve seen.  2/3 is pretty good.  Or pretty pathetic, depending on your view of these things.