Campfyre Stories

I’ve done a lot of hard thinking these past couple of weeks, but also in the past couple of days.  One of the things that I’ve come to is that it was obviously time for things to change, but since I didn’t (for whatever reason) make the changes myself, they came from external sources.  I think it’s time for me to make a go of regaining control over the chaos and turbulence.

If things are going to change whether I want/like it or not, then those changes should come from me.  I don’t just mean finding a new apartment, because this entire year (2006) has been about changes for me.  My divorce becoming final, getting my name back (oh yeah, did I mention, I legally got my name back…  well, I started anyway, my license has my maiden name again), new job, the whole apartment bullshit…  It’s been pretty incessant and it doesn’t look like it’s going to stop anytime soon.  Time to step in and start implementing changes that are within my control.  I think I’m going to leave this at that…  I don’t want to commit myself to too many things and I think some things should be surprises.

Some random things since I haven’t blogged in about a week…

This morning on my way into work, dawn was just breaking when it started to rain lightly.  Someone got on the bus, and I’m so glad he pointed it out - there was a rainbow against the sunrise.  The sky was purple and the rainbow was almost entirely red.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen a rainbow when it was that dark outside - it was absolutely gorgeous and a wonderful way to start my day.  I also ran into an old co-worker of mine.  He’s someone that I run into periodically and never in ways/places I’m expecting.  He’s a good guy.  I enjoy the opportunity to catch up with him.

For me, there is nothing more relaxing than a nice, hot bath.  Well, ok, that’s kind of a lie.  More relaxing would be a nice hot bath, soft lighting with aromatic candles, the right soft music in the background and a good book, but that’s asking a bit much, I know.  So, on a mundane level, baths are my primary relaxation technique.  However, since I’ve been staying at Ed’s place, I haven’t wanted to take up that much time in the bathroom, I guess…  something like that, so it’s been showers, which aren’t nearly as gratifying, IMO.  Last night I had the place to myself and enough time to go ahead and relax.  Too bad I ran into one of those boy vs. girl situations.

First off, the tub is way small.  Honestly, as tall as Ed is, I can’t imagine him finding a tub that would be comfortable, but also, most men tend to prefer showering, and the shower is plenty roomy.  Second, there was no plug…  of course there wasn’t, boys don’t take baths.  But in a fit of MacGuyver-like ingenuity, I figured it all out and pulled it off.  And you know, I think that even having to think about it from the skewed perspective of "This is what I want, how do I make it work?" made the end result that much more satisfying.

It also reminded me that one of the things I look for in an apartment is a sizable, comfy bathtub.

Many of my birthday gifts this year centered around relaxation to some degree or another.  For someone like me, that can be fairly broad - books can be classified as relaxation-techniques depending on the book, as can movies.  To that end, I’m really trying to think about what I can do to just relax.  The high-stress I’ve been carrying around is not doing me much good…  even my complexion is suffering and that bothers me.

I don’t know, I feel like there are parts of me that have changed, inherently.  I don’t honestly know whether this is a good or bad thing.  Maybe neither, maybe both.  I kind of feel like I’ve lost certain parts of myself and I’m not sure that I miss them.  It’s like when you cut your hair after having it long for a good amount of time - you know it used to be there, you can almost feel it and no matter how much you like how the new cut looks, part of you misses that weight, or maybe not even misses, but you were used to it and now it’s gone.  Like that, I guess, only it’s not physical, it’s something in my personality.  I can’t seem to put my finger on it.

Oh well.  I don’t want to dwell on any of this stuff, I just wanted to put something out.  Not in an obligatory way to others, but when I don’t blog for a while I feel like I’m denying myself something…  the outlet, I guess.  So there it is.