Campfyre Stories

There’s just too much.  Too much in my head that I want to get out, but I can’t.  Too many things that I want to say, but I don’t know how to do it without hurting people or being stupid about it.

There are people that you mean who set your teeth on edge…  not only do I know a number of those people, I have recently been forced to socialize with them…  I also met a new one under circumstances that were uncomfortable to me.

How do you tell someone that they are being ignorant and exhibiting the exact same behaviors they accuse their (seemingly) polar opposites of doing?

Shouldn’t it be the case that two friends should tend to like the members of each friend’s social circle?  It seems like it should, but why is it so rarely the case?

I saw 4 movies in the theater the past 8 days.  Two were tedious, one extremely so.  One was about strippers…  I think Curious George was wonderful and I bought the soundtrack.  (I dig soundtracks.)  It was probably the best of the four.

I took my niece to see the Moscow Circus.  Paid $5 to have the worst photograph of her taken with a monkey.  She will never, in her life, take a picture worse than this one…  it is, right now, her favorite thing.  The monkey was in the newspaper and she was excited because that’s the monkey she met.  While we have determined that she is afraid of clowns, she says "That was a very nice clown.  He say Hi!"

I think that I’m not going to be able to sleep tonight, which sucks.

I really hate when I can see clearly what is going on, not only in my life, but in areas around it, and can’t do a damn thing about it.  Even worse, though, is when I decide on what I’m going to do and then watch helplessly as circumstances change.  (I don’t want you to be ** ********* anymore than I want to be **** **********.  I didn’t know that you could have one without the other.)

When a bad decision is prefaced with confidence in the overall decision making process, is it wrong to kick back and watch it unfold?  What if there’s an acknowledgement made to the possibility of it being a bad decision?  Where is the line drawn?

I realized tonight that I really missed the boys.  I never actually realize that I miss things that are gone until I have them back again, however fleetingly.

Things are changing rapidly all around me.  I think I’m getting jealous because the changes haven’t hit me yet.  I think this means I need to work harder at it.  I don’t fear getting left behind, but of all the people I know, I think that I’m the one who has been craving the extreme changes (across the board, not just in singular aspects), if not the most, possibly for the longest…  I could be wrong, but I’m not willing to wait anymore…  there are important things I need to start doing a little more actively.

There are some roles that are thrust upon us, whether we intend for that or not.  Sometimes they are due to our own actions (or inaction) and sometimes they are due to those of others.  I don’t think I want ALL the roles being thrust upon me at the moment…  but the ways I know to escape them are highly unpleasant.

The more I write tonight, the more grateful I am that I’m not dreaming these things…  even in subconscious forms, I can’t see them as being friendly.

Earlier today some random old man climbed up my back stairwell (I live on the third floor) and peeked in my office window.  He took off back down the stairs when I glared at him, but still…  My landlord thinks that it was the dude he pays to clean up the yards.  Last I checked, my third floor back porch was NOTHING TO DO with the yard.

Tomorrow my landlord says he’ll come and fix my toilet.  Superglue is good in a pinch, but eventually, I’m convinced, the water will wear it off and the toilet will re-break.  All I can say is that regardless of me having fingernails…  regardless of even owning nail polish, I am DAMN GLAD I keep acetone in the house.  It was pretty bad.

I’ve seen some blogs where people strike-through the things they decide not to write.  I just go back and delete them (unless I go back after publishing to edit).  I figure, since I would scratch the whole thing out in a journal with many heavy strokes, it’s ok to do it here…  just like it’s only really ok to delete entries if you would pull pages out of your journal.  Frankly, if you actually changed your mind about what you were planning on saying, why leave it up for people to read?  Of course, it’s always been my suspicion that people were really doing it on purpose because they think it’s clever.  Heh.

I’ve always thought of 4:30 as that magic time…  the one where you have to make the decision of whether you go to bed and try for a couple of hours or if you just give up and make a pot of coffee…  the decision I made is not to tell.

~FG };^>