So I saw the movie. It started really strong, but degraded into obvious stereotypes by the end of the movie. Without giving anything away, I was really disappointed in the reinforcement of stereotypes that I find, not necessarily negative, but unrealistic for sure. I had higher hopes for a fictional movie based on a self-help book. I should have known better, knowing it was a romantic comedy.
So I bought the book. I entered into a pact with Princess to read it and pass it on to another single girl. I don’t really feel the need to own relationship self-help books. Anyway, I bought it on Friday and tore right through it. I have to say, that book was depressingly obvious. Not in a bad way, but in the sense that women need to be told things that ought to be simple and ought to be common sense. If the guy isn’t calling, he doesn’t *really* like you. If he’s treating you badly, it’s not really love. The excuses we make for the bad men in our lives are optimistic bullshit.
Well fucking DUH.
Except that we need to be told this. We desperately need to be told this. We need to unlearn all the optimistic bullshit that we’ve learned and believed because it makes us feel better. Better about who we are inside, better about our chances to find someone eventually, better about being rejected, BETTER…
The problem I have here is that I shouldn’t have to read this in a damned relationship self-help book. I shouldn’t be inspired to learn these things from having seen a romantic fucking comedy. These are things that we women should be saying to each other. But it’s just not that simple. It’s not simple to pine in loneliness or to look in the mirror and wonder why you’re not attracting the types of guys who treat us badly, or at least not as well as we should be treated. We shouldn’t be wasting our time picking apart the things that might, possibly be wrong with US. We should be looking for happy relationships, not "settling" for something less because, even if it doesn’t make us happy, at least it makes us feel less alone in the night.
The fuck? I had to learn this from a ROMANTIC COMEDY? This is common sense knowledge. Reading that goddamned book I kept saying "Yep. That makes sense." and "Hmmm… that should be obvious." WHY IS IT NOT OBVIOUS?
I mean, for me, it IS obvious, and I think that in a lot of ways, this is the sort of thing that’s keeping me from really putting myself out there. I don’t want to run the risk of being rejected time after time or worse, finding myself in a "he’s just not that into me" relationship and not being strong enough to realize it, or to be so hopeful or blinded that I make bullshit excuses that are reinforced by my well-meaning friends.
So I’ve read this book and I’ll pass it to Princess next. Then we’ll send it off to Girl with strict instructions to read it and pass it on. NO ONE needs to be reminded of this lesson by a goddamned book. Maybe we need to read the harsh reality of our created relationship bullshit from a book, but the reminders should come from each other. We NEED to absorb this information, even if we shouldn’t need to be told it in the first place.
But the reality is that I do need to be told, and, apparently from a book. A book that I bought because I saw a romantic fucking comedy based on it. But I don’t need to be told twice. Not by a book. I may need to be reminded, but I don’t need the whole lesson again.
At least, I sure as hell hope I don’t.