Campfyre Stories

Three little words that can mean so much.

I consider myself a caring person.  At the very least, I honestly care about the people who are a chosen part of my life and I want to know how they’re doing, especially when things turn bad.  I put the well-being of my friends and family at a high priority, sometimes even to my own detriment.

The people I care most about are the ones who are caring in return.  I called a friend last night because I was worried about her future.  A project that she has been highly invested in is ending and her career is in doubt.  Now, she’s the type of person who flies by the seat of her pants and always manages to land on her feet, but I still worry, especially when she’s about to take off in a new flight.

But when I talked to her to say "Are you okay?  Where do you go from here?" I was in a bad way.  I had found myself that morning too depressed to get out of bed (I guess they call that a "mental health day") and all wrapped up in my head.  Though I had called, specifically, to be there for her and to check in, she wound up taking care of me and, you know, I really needed it, despite my guilty feelings that it really wasn’t the time to hold the spotlight.

She’s the polar opposite of another of my friends who seems to not be aware of the world outside of her immediate perception.  Never does she start a conversation with "How are you?" or even ask whether or not it’s a good time to talk (even when it’s clearly not).  Everything is tragic or annoying or angering and, honestly, when I’m in a good headspace, I can totally commiserate and be sympathetic, but I’m not in a good headspace these days and haven’t been for a while.  It would be nice to have a few moments of empathy or sympathy that doesn’t turn into "look at me!  look at me!"

With the vast majority of my friends, there is an equal amount of give and take.  We make the effort to put our petty annoyances and grievances on hold when the other person has greater need.  We take turns complaining or crying or bitching or whining as needed.  We support *each other* and we make the point of checking in with the other even when whatever good or bad is overwhelming.

Sometimes we fail, as humans are prone to doing, but always we make the effort, and the times when we fail are few and far between and made up for by the times we succeed.  I don’t know that the failures are even really noted, since they happen so rarely.

Maybe I’m being petty about it, but it doesn’t seem like all that much to ask.  How are you?  How are things going?  Are you okay?  To me, it’s a given, but when it’s not actually given, ever, I find myself questioning whether or not it’s worth putting the effort into.

I mean, if you can’t count on someone when you need them, what’s the point of keeping them around?