Campfyre Stories

How many words do you think it would take to write EXACTLY what you mean and have it not misunderstood?  Obviously, if you’re talking face to face, then you’ll be able to convey your message in fewer words, but I read the other day that 93% (!!!) of all communication is non-verbal.  Does that mean that one would need to use 13+% more words to fully convey their meaning?

Now, someone like me, rather verbose, it’s not hard to create that additional amount of words, but doing it correctly, in the sense of using words to replace tone, inflection and body language, well…  I get kind of hung up on that.

Words have always fascinated me.  Etymology, structure, definition.  I often find myself looking up words that I know and use on a regular basis to find out what the unbiased definition is and whether or not it’s actually being used correctly.  Politically speaking, as an example, the words conservative and liberal are often given connotations that have nothing to do with their actual definition and instead indicate political leanings and support of specific ideas or actions.  It all comes down to context.  I think that there are too many people who attempt to use context (or tone or inflection) to make words mean something other than their definition.  The problem this creates is that it further clouds communication, especially when it’s written.

I often find that I repeat myself, trying different phrasings in an attempt to convey the real meaning I’m aiming at.  It depends on the situation, how many times I’m willing to do this, but I’m always surprised at the reluctance of people with whom I can easily speak to answer the phone instead of going back and forth in email or IM.  I have limited patience when I know that there’s an easy alternative.  A couple of emails or about 2-3 minutes of IM conversation rife with misunderstanding is all it takes for me to say "I’m just going to call you."

This week alone I have had several near-misunderstandings with a couple of friends.  TheGamerGirl and I both worried that our friend Miz was angry or upset or not talking to us because of short responses (she was busy) or lack of any response (again, busy).  Just yesterday, I couldn’t figure out in an email thread whether Princess was thinking out loud and trying to plan or if she was actively trying to spare my feelings.  All of these were remedied by a quick phone call and a friendly chat…  but before that happened, there was this waste of time, unnecessary stress and a creation of a situation that didn’t exist.  We ALL do this probably more often than we realize.

But what about the situations where a phone call isn’t possible?  I participate on Digg, for example, and find that I am often misunderstood.  Granted, sometimes I think that it’s an intentional misreading of the words I have written (several times), but the issue also occurs when I am, for whatever reason, not choosing the words that most accurately convey my meaning.  Is it a lack of vocabulary, either on my part or theirs?  Is it simply that there are concepts that exist that defy conventional writing?

How many words does it take to say "I love you"?  In my experience, none at all.  It’s a look in your eyes, or the way you behave.  You don’t have to say it to know that it’s true.  But how many phrases to we find ourselves trying to create because there simply is no textual equivalent?  Probably more than any of us realize.

Think about all your non-verbal communication in a day.  Not even posture, but every time you smile or clap or check your watch in a deliberate fashion.  How much are we sacrificing in an attempt to save time or to span distance?  And, really, is it worth it?