Campfyre Stories

It’s not really something that you can convey over the internet, a big personality, one that’s overwhelming to many, one that dominates the aura of the room, it’s just something you have or are, and only then in real life.

I find that my personality is certainly overwhelming to some, but refreshing to others.  I use large gestures and I really emote my words, phrases, body language.  Everything about me - my mannerisms, my tone of voice, is big, bordering on imposing.  I think, in part, that was something that led Sam to tell me that I reminded him of Janis.  I can see how she was probably the same way.

I think that too few people allow themselves to have big personalities.  It’s intimidating, so women, at least, probably men too, though, will subdue themselves, not allow themselves to fully be that dynamic personality they could be.  I can’t do that.  Or maybe I won’t.  I’m not sure.

All I know is that I don’t mind scaring people off sometimes if it allows me to be true to myself.  I don’t mind if people are intimidated because if they feel that way *before* they get to know me, imagine how put off they’d be once they did.  I refuse to lie to myself about who I am, and I refuse to mislead others in the hopes of gaining their favor or attention.  Not that I need to try to gain attention, having a big personality just automatically leads to attention - both positive and negative.

I know I can be melodramatic.  It used to be that I was just a melodramatic person, but I have tempered with age and now I mock the melodrama by playing with it.  It’s almost always tongue-in-cheek and next to always on purpose to make a point or for added emphasis.  Melodrama on the internet just doesn’t convey, though.  There is a vast difference between belting out a song while walking down the street and typing “*sings [insert song here]*  It just doesn’t translate.

I find that the more of myself I want to put out there, the more *actions* I try to use.  Being the obscure person I tend to be, I think most of my *actions* go right over people’s heads.  I, accustomed to this, at this point.  I’ve decided to revel in my obscurity rather than banging my head against a wall trying to explain it to other people.  The few who get the references usually appreciate them.

I think that this is part of why I prefer to talk on the phone instead of IMing with people.  Not that I mind IM, but I’m usually pleased when people can hear the sarcasm in my voice, know how to pronounce “augh”, understand the venom that’s usually behind an outburst of “BAH!”, etc.  They have an actual concept of how big my personality means and they can make a decision as to whether or not it’s something they can handle or if they should now decide to be afraid of me, on whatever level.

Additionally, though, it gives them a better sense of what’s behind those cold words on the flickering screen.  While I strive to convey exactly what I’m feeling and what I want to say, as I said above, it doesn’t always translate.  I try my best, but until you understand more of the pieces that serve to create the person behind the persona (heh ), you just can’t grasp most of what I’m actually trying to say, no matter how clear I think I’m being in the moment.

This internet age fascinates me.  I can’t be the only person who notices things like personalities and suchlike not being conveyed, but I don’t see it addressed very often.  It makes me wonder if people will alter their personalities to be clearer over the internet in this globally-reaching society of ours or if we will find better and clearer ways to convey what’s really inside us.

Maybe we all just have to wait for video phones to be cheap and the calls to be charged in a manner more similar to internet service.

~FG };^>