It doesn’t seem to matter how busy I get, I always have time to think, whether I like it or not. Conversations with others facilitate thoughts and lead them down certain paths.
Sex is always a hot topic of conversation, but there are tangents that branch off periodically; among them, marriage, fidelity, loyalty, commitment, attraction… these tangential conversations often lead me down new paths of thoughts that I don’t necessarily want to go.
Recent conversations… no…. recent questions I have been asked have led me into what could easily become dangerous territory. Being one of few singles in many (though I doubt “most”) of the conversations I have, I get a lot of “would you?” and “do you?” sort of questions. One that’s come up several times is whether or not I would sleep with someone in a committed relationship. It’s something that I have yet to question on more than a theoretical level, but the truth is that I think I would under certain circumstances.
Of course, the moment I answer this question, I have to establish rules that go along with it. If not for them, then for me.
First off, it’s not something I would seek out. I don’t believe that I would ever convince someone to cheat, nor would I even attempt seduce a committed man into an affair. That’s number one. The intention has to already be there on his part. Now the question is whether or not I would be a willing participant.
If I knew the significant other, I don’t believe that I would be able to go through with it. The question I find myself asking in this theoretical scenario is whether or not my (specific to me as a person) actions would cause emotional harm or detriment to another. Granted, the act of cheating will usually cause some sort of detriment to the “wronged” party, regardless of any other circumstances, but the real question here is would that harm be increased by the fact that it was me, specifically?
The last piece goes to intention… my intention. What am I looking for? If I’m looking for a long-term committed relationship, then this is not a good way to start things off. It opens the door for things to turn around on me and it’s simply not a good way to lead into something that should ideally last. If I have ideas of that sort of commitment or level of involvement, then the answer is no, that’s not something you do with long-term intentions.
If I can get past all of those questions and still assure myself that I am not the wronging party, knowing that it’s just a fling and I am attracted to this person (obviously), then yes, I would do it.
In a heartbeat.
Listing out all the criteria just makes things worse, if for no other reason than he fits it all (as have they all… I may be prone to fantasy from time to time, but they are almost always realistic fantasies, often to my dismay). No matter what I think, no matter how far I dig into my psyche looking for that key to say “oops, nope, no good, you can’t do it because of [X]“, I simply can’t find it.
On some level, he strikes me as someone who may eventually go down that path of infidelity. In some ways, it would not be difficult to justify such an action. And here’s me, knowing that I would participate, in a heartbeat, knowing that I would probably rock his world and knowing that it’s the sort of thing that he could very easily wind up regretting, whether the idea came from him or some random outside party.
The more I think, the more I worry. The more I talk, the more I open myself up, the more ammunition I give other people – not just the type to use against me, but also the type to use against or for themselves. Food for thought, you may call it, but I don’t think along mainstream lines and what I may consider fine and dandy is simply not always (or even necessarily usually) socially acceptable by mainstream society.
But yeah… there’s a reality there, regardless of the joking manner in which it’s put. Not only would I do it, I’d do it in a heartbeat and it would be fun.
***Just a note, out of courtesy for some who may find themselves wondering… It is unlikely I am writing about you. Honestly, there are some things that are not for public consumption and some things better said face to face. If you think I mean you and I told you about my blog… it’s probably not you, simply out of respect. If, however, you found me by *a-hem* other means and I don’t know that you’re reading… or even suspect that you might have found me… well… I might not admit it, but I find it incredibly hard to flat-out deny the truth.***
~FG };^>