Campfyre Stories

This got way longer than I expected, so I’ll just hide it so it doesn’t make the page obscene.

I have all these stories that I want to tell, but I have to wait until my current contract ends.  Beyond counting down because I don’t want to DO THIS anymore, I really want to tell you all about how I’m pretty sure I win the contest that no one actually knew was a contest.  I want to talk about getting caught in the worst bureaucratic nonsense I can remember ever having seen first hand.  I want to talk about the things that were said to me…  But I feel like it’s inappropriate to talk about those things while I’m still in the midst of the situation, so it will have to wait.

Now that I think about it, there are a lot of things that I want to blog about, but, for whatever reason, I just can’t.  Some of it can’t be said because I don’t want to hurt people I love, some of it feels like it’s not appropriate to publish on the internet, some of it simply isn’t for public consumption.  I know that I could password protect my posts, but that would imply that some people would have the password and the things I don’t say remain unsaid for a reason.  I’ve tried keeping diaries in the past, but that never really lasts very long and it seems rather pointless.  Even though they’re things I confide to my friends, I’d feel better writing them down and just getting them OUT, but I feel like I can’t.  It’s pretty sucky.

All kinds of people are making me crazy right now.  There’s this one person I know who is an utter hypocrite about so many things.  That one, I only have to deal with for another week, maybe two.  Another person has been driving me nuts for the past couple of months.  English is not his first language, so he’s always "practicing", but I don’t think this is a language-specific issue.  Every time he makes a statement, he ends with an ellipsis…  And when he asks a question???  Is there a word for three question marks in a row???  I think not…  What this does is make every statement seem unfinished and every question seem impatient…  I’m not sure why this happens, or why it happens so consistently, but since 90% of my communication with him is in IM format, it makes it really difficult to work with him, especially when I’m completely burnt out and edgy anyway!!! 

I’m in fairly high demand at the moment.  Of course, it would come about on a Spawn weekend, but what are you going to do?  It’s nice to be wanted, it’s even nicer to be able to say "Well, listen, I already have plans, when can we try again?"  The handful of things that can’t be rescheduled I can work with, it’s just a matter of juggling.  Once again, I find myself wishing for the superpower to throw everything up in the air and have it pause for long enough for me to [insert action that requires both hands and a short amount of time] and then be able to catch them all again without spilling or breaking anything.  Only now, instead of wanting to do that with, say, a cup of coffee, a bag of miscellany, a newspaper and my dinner so that I can unlock the door, I want to be able to do it metaphorically with all the plans and desires and intangibles.

(I have this sneaking suspicion that the last couple of lines in that paragraph didn’t make any sense at all, but I don’t want to have to attempt to reword it.  I am acknowledging the potential for vast confusion, but that’s about all I’m doing…)

Yesterday I was making eyes at a fella on the bus.  He was exceptionally attractive (though not my usual type) and very friendly looking and acting as well.  I wanted to go and strike up a conversation, but had been trapped in my seat by a guy who had very obviously (to my nose, anyway) been drinking.  Oh well, so we played the "looking at you, I’m not looking at you" game for some 20 minutes.  I suppose it’s semi-stalkerish that I have plans immediately after work that I intend to cut a little short to try to get the same (late) bus again tonight.  But, eh, it’s harmless and it’s not like I’m following him home or anything

 Got gaydar?  I was thinking yesterday about a metrosexual I used to date before the term "metrosexual" was coined.  I met him on the internet and we started seeing each other IRL about 2 weeks after we started emailing back and forth.  About a month into the relationship (such as it was), he asked me "Did you think I was gay when you first met me?"  Well, no.  Obviously not, because when I first met you, I already knew that you were straight and looking for a woman.  I told him that, but went on to say that it’s hard to judge people on appearances from a first reaction.  There are too many other factors at play.  He explained that he had known a lot of women, and some men, who had thought him gay because of his perfectionist, high-maintenance appearance and his penchant for nice things.  The reality was that he was metrosexual, and one of the early ones.  Also a Virgo, which accounts for the desire for nice things

I wonder if men and women have found it harder to make the distinction between gay and straight since this idea of metrosexual hit.  I mean, there are a lot of women out there who are attracted to gay men.  I wonder if this metrosexual thing gives them false hope, or if it just allows them to reap the benefits of being a fag hag and still get laid in the process.  I think that being so physically drained last night made my brain work overtime.  Too much thinking on this particular subject, perhaps.

 I was thinking about voyeurism and exhibitionism last night.  I’ve always known that I lean toward the exhibitionist side of things, but, you know, I people watch regularly, eavesdrop on the conversations of strangers,  read a lot of blogs and I’m addicted to Post Secret.  Seems to me that those behaviors are more voyeur than exhibition.  Makes me wonder if I participate in voyeurism because I’m trying to return the favor of random people paying attention to my own antics.  Sometimes I am too analytical.  This doesn’t explain why I spend as much time as I do reading the blogs of people I hate.  Not even on a subconscious level do I want them to read what I’m thinking about or to try to stalk me…  I just try to keep tabs on them.

I’m a sucker for a sexy accent.  I can’t even begin to describe how bad.  There’s this guy I work with.  I’ve never met him and probably never will, but I talk to him on the phone periodically and every damn time, I get weak in the knees.  I could listen to this man talk for hours - with a dumb, goofy smile on my face.

Every now and again I hear cat noises when I’m in my office.  I cannot, for the life of me, figure out where it’s coming from, but it sounds very mournful and distant.  I have determined that it must be one of two things.  Either there is a cat living in the ducts in the building or the building is haunted by the ghost of a cat from time long past.  Probably there is a cat in the ducts because the smell in the back hallway sure didn’t come from a ghost…

I guess that’s all I have for now.  Here’s hoping for a quiet and relaxing weekend…  ok, I’ll settle for quiet and relaxing for *part* of the weekend.  Heh.