Meh.
March 31st, 2006Dissatisfacton. It’s like some kind of spring fever, nothing is satisfactory to me right now.
Few things hold my attention for long enough to make a difference these days. I am flitting from activity to activvity and doing more and more things on a whim (hence the blog redesign, but also things like calling and emailing bands looking for female singers. Why? I have no idea, because they’re there.)
I’m trying to plan a trip to visit my best friend which will test my willpower on many different levels. One of those levels is testing my willpower right at this very moment. I was "rewarded" with a test for being a good neighbor. It will also get me to see a band I’ve been waiting to come near enough for me to see them. It will also give me a chance to see a friend who moved away and probably also give me a chance to… fix a problem.
There’s this situation I’ve been on the fence about for far too long that I need to end, but it’s not the sort of thing that’s easy to do, partly because of circumstances, partly because of timing. I don’t like to hurt people’s feelings, but I also have this attention whore quality to me and I don’t take kindly to being ignored or taken for granted, nor for being pushed aside for shiny objects. I may joke about it, but I do not DO that to others.
I spent the day in the sunshine and it felt WONDERFUL. I got wonderful quality time with my son. My relationship with my family is well above par at the moment. It’s not that I’m not happy… I think I am. It’s just that happiness, right now, just isn’t enough.
That’s not right, or it shouldn’t be. I don’t know. Something is missing and I’m still trying to figure out what it is.
