Sometimes it’s incredibly hard to remain an optimist
June 18th, 2006And I don’t know if it’s necessarily about turning into a pessimist, but I’m losing my optimism. Every day it gets harder and harder to keep upbeat - not in a plastic, fake way, but in a keeping true to my nature way.
I’ve come to a point where I have to actively work to not see cosmic conspiracies peering around corners. I have to battle the paranoia that would be really, really easy to fall into.
Thank gods for my support network, though it sometimes feels smaller than I think it really is. Thank gods for my voice of reason who can give me new perspectives and new ways to come at problems.
Tomorrow, after 17 years of active collecting, I am heading out to the local used record store to sell my collection… this hurts, but of all the things I’m worried I’m going to need to sell, it probably hurts the least. Of course, finding out what little it may be worth in reality may hurt even worse than parting with material possessions.
Is that the lesson here? I’ve always believed that everything happens for a reason and I haven’t been able to find the reason in my current happenings. Maybe it has to do with letting go of material goods.
It doesn’t make it any easier. I really want a cigarette. No, that’s a lie. I want a LOT of cigarettes.
