Campfyre Stories

I went and saw the baby last night.  My son’s half-brother, which is a strange thing to say.  I’m not all that big into babies.  My mother asked the question of Spawn and he couldn’t have give a better answer:

"So, is he cute?"

"Of course he’s cute, he’s a baby."

Yep, that’s it, too.  Babies are cute, even when they’re ugly.  All babies are cute, all species of baby mammals are cute, it’s a survival mechanism.  However, in a lot of ways, most babies look the same too.

I’m really not into babies very much.  Give me a child that can walk and is starting to talk and I will have a great time, but babies under a year just don’t DO anything.  Unfortunately, they like me, I’m good with them, they get quiet and fall asleep in my arms after screaming in everyone else’s arms.  It’s like dogs, I don’t care for them as a group, but they seek me out.

So I went and saw the baby and I held him for some 5 minutes before losing interest and refocusing on the mom and dad for the rest of the hour we were there.  These are the rules:

The ONLY baby pictures I want to see are photos of babies whose parents or siblings I know.  I’ll allow for nieces and nephews if you either a) do not have children or b) have grown children and this is a novelty to you years later.  Do not show me pictures of the same child at the same age in 20 different easter dresses.  Do not show me one picture for each hairstyle that month.  I will look at the  baby pictures, but I don’t want to see essentially the same picture 100,000 times.

If you tell me the story of your labor unsolicited, I will return the favor.  However, my story will probably beat yours, it’s pretty gruesome and  painful.  I avoid telling mothers-to-be because I don’t want to frighten them.  There is a reason (several actually) why I only have the one child.

If you give me a screaming baby to comfort and quiet, and I succeed, do not reward me with "You’re so good with babies, why don’t you have another?"  The answer is simple and you already know it.  1) My son is 12.  2) I don’t have a long-term partner that I want to have children with.  3) I don’t like babies.  It is not my goal in life to procreate more than I already have, it is not a compliment to me to hear "Why don’t you have more?"

But, I don’t know, I guess that babies are cool to have around.  The grow pretty quick and as long as I can give them back I do my best to enjoy them…  I just prefer them a whole lot more once they’re interactive and not nearly so fragile.