Campfyre Stories

Sometime around when we hit puberty we form these definitions of "cool people".  They are the desirable friends, sometimes unattainable.  Certainly there are stereotypes, but it’s also very subjective.  The A/V nerds in high school, for example, generally didn’t crave acceptance by the jocks and cheerleaders.  The theater kids weren’t trying to get in with the rockers, but there were all different levels of cool, depending on where your interests lay.

I don’t think that ever goes away.  I mean, sure, not everyone gets into that state where they’re looking for acceptance from the "cool people", but the people who do tend to not ever really shake that feeling.  They identify the characteristics of the people they want to affiliate with and try their best to be included in their groupings.

But there are always some who just don’t fit the mold.  They may consider Group X to be "cool people", but they simply don’t fit in for whatever reason.

I’ve always been a fringe person.  I’m never going to really fit into mainstream society.  My background is very unusual and my experiences are out of the ordinary.  I don’t take to labels, I don’t fit in boxes and all of that tends to mean that other fringey people consider me one of the "cool people".  In this particular instance, I’m talking about the fringey people who are geeks, nerds, freaks, weirdos…  they are drawn to a combination of my unique upbringing, my intelligence, my math-based interests (technology, music), my hobbies and my quest to Know All Things.  Girl often refers to it as "flypaper for freaks", which is accurate, if simplistic.

And the problem that I find is that I have very high standards for the people I choose to consider friends.  I have high standards for intelligence.  I have high standards for levels of knowledge on subjects you claim to be passionate about.  I have high standards for levels of tolerance for things outside your ken.  I’m picky as hell about everything, and people/friends are included in that.

That said, once I’ve decided to let someone in, I will tolerate a lot, but the letting someone in part takes quite a bit of time.  Also?  Standards.

I don’t have a lot of patience for people unless I care about them, so if someone decides that they want to be my friend, and I’m simply not interested, it really only serves to annoy me.  The harder they try, the more annoyed I become.  It’s not that I’m adverse to making new friends, but I’m not going to lower my standards to be a pity-friend to someone I don’t particularly like.

I guess that makes me a snob.  I’m sure it makes me SOUND like a snob at the very least, but I don’t even add random people (unless they’re musicians and I like their music) to MySpace.  If I’m that picky about my virtual friends, how could I ever be less picky about real people?

You see, the people I consider my friends are people I can count on.  Not always for the same things, but if I am in real need, I can count on them and they can count on me.  I also know what, exactly, I can count on each person for.  I know who to ask if I need emotional support.  I know who to ask if I need a social boost.  I know who to ask if I need to just get out of town for a couple of days…  and in return, I like to think that my friends know what they can count on me for, and that they will whenever they need it.

The other thing about my friends is that they are also, generally, "cool people", at least within their own fringey niches.  These are people who are sought out by others and they tend to be rather selective about the people they let in, too.

Yesterday I was talking with a friend and a co-worker about how I was going to need help with learning something new, and, unfortunately, most my friends who are experts in this particular technology have moved out of town, so I don’t know if they can help.  My friend  said he’d help as he could, but my co-worker said, "Hey!  What about me?"  It took every ounce of my self-control to not say out loud, "You’re not my friend."  That would have been rude, but true.

Because he’s not my friend, and I don’t really think he’s going to be.  I’ll make nice, I’ll make conversation, I’ll go to lunch with him if he asks, but after about 20 minutes of his trying WAY too hard to be my friend, I’m over it and getting annoyed.

And the weird thing is that I don’t often consider myself one of the "cool people" because I’m rather strange, very nerdy, fringey, pushy, opinionated, etc., etc., etc.  I’m surprised when people seek me out and make an extraordinary effort to be my friend and it tends to turn me off when people try too hard.  I can and will talk to just about anyone, but unless they capture my interest, I’ll wander off, if only in my head.

Maybe this is mean.  Maybe this is snobbish.  But the bottom line is that it is what it is.  It makes me feel like a bad person to be so exclusive about the people I take into my inner circle, but I’d rather feel like a bad person than wind up surrounded by people who stress me out, piss me off or straight-up bore me.