Campfyre Stories

I’m not entirely sure when kids stopped being allowed to be kids and to do the things that kids traditionally do, but somewhere along the line Society decided that children should not be allowed to experiment and should be punished in ways more appropriate to adults.

I remember when "sexual harassment" became a buzzword and a media blitz.  it was hard on a lot of people trying to figure out where that line is drawn, especially since, in the early days, it was something that was considered as a power play between a superior and their employee.  Having been on the receiving end of sexual harassment (from a peer), I understand that it can make your work life hell and cause problems with getting your work done, but I don’t think that sexual harassment should be the catch-all word that it’s become.

Spawn told me last week that one of his friends was suspended for sexual harassment at school.  The kid is 12 years old.  Now I know that there are some people out there who will say "Well he’s old enough to know better", but really, I can’t help but fault the girl(s) as well.

The story as I know it is that at least 2 of Spawn’s friends were playing Truth or Dare with an unknown number of girls.  That’s enough of a story for me.  I don’t need to know what the Dares were or what Truths were asked.  Frankly, I played enough of it when I was younger that my imagination can surely do that job.  I ran around with some pretty sexual kids at that age and earlier and I also know that things never went farther than the participants were comfortable.  Here’s my problem, why didn’t the girls leave?  If they were uncomfortable, what made them stay and continue to play?  I know that these boys didn’t force them to play, or to stick around.

But I’m not blaming the girls for the situation, please understand that.  I’m blaming Society’s overreactions to such things for the punishment the boys are now enduring.  I’m blaming Society’s overreactions for setting things up to turn these girls into future victims.  These 12 (+ or -) y/o girls need to learn to say NO when they are in a situation that makes them uncomfortable.  They need to learn how and when it’s time to leave.  The LAST thing they need to learn is to go with the flow in the moment and tell somebody later.  This line of behavior seems to me like the sort of thing that could easily lead to false date rape allegations.  How soon before we see a case that sets a precedent that the victim doesn’t have to say no or stop or in any way indicate that she is an unwilling participant.  And honestly, if that happened, it wouldn’t entirely be their fault because Society is teaching them that this is an appropriate way to behave.

Don’t get me wrong, if a (pre) pubescent kid exposes himself to girls on the playground, he should be taught that that is unacceptable, but if a group of children choose to play a sexually-charged game, it is not ok for half of them to be singled out for deviant behavior.  Because it’s not deviant behavior, but they’re being taught that it is.

We start off playing doctor.  "I’ll show you mine if you show me yours."  We graduate to Spin the Bottle, or Truth or Dare, or 7 Minutes in Heaven.  These games are not bad or wrong or deviant.  They are part of the fundamental experimentation that kids do.  Or used to do.  Yes, I know, it’s not appropriate to play these games at school, but the boys alone are not to blame here.

What are we teaching our children?  That boys are bad, naughty, dirty sex maniacs?  That girls are sweet and always right and not to be touched?  This is a dangerous game that Society is playing with our children.  They need to learn boundaries, not only those of others, but those of themselves.  Girls, especially, need to learn how and when to extract themselves from uncomfortable situations, because there will be more as they get older and, probably, no authority figure around to tattle to.

When did things change so much that kids aren’t even allowed to be kids without having to take on a burden of responsibility they haven’t yet been taught?