Campfyre Stories

Children are supplied, at a very young age, with a list of “Don’ts”.

• Don’t run in the house
• Don’t play with fire
• Don’t talk to strangers
• Don’t get lost
• Don’t talk back
• Don’t get smart
• Don’t be stupid
• Don’t DO that

Seems to me that this is a very silly list of rules to give children, especially when you consider that these so-called children are the people we, as parents, as mentors, as friends, are helping to grow up to become whole, healthy and sane people.

Even as a child I didn’t like this list and I didn’t believe in the rules that grown-ups laid out for me.  As an adult I see inherent flaws in most of the Don’t List.

Don’t run in the house:
Well screw that.  Sometimes you HAVE to.  If the phone is in the living room and I’m in the office.  If I hear a person call out in pain or anguish.  If I hear the cats fighting or a large crash or something break, you can damn well bet, I will RUN to find out what the problem is.  I run in the house all the time.

Don’t play with fire:
Ok, little ones, no, they shouldn’t.  End of story.  But older ones and adults?  How many of us love to have candles or incense burning in the house?  How many can honestly say they’ve never been to a bonfire?  What about BBQs?  That’s, in essence, playing with fire, as is roasting marshmallows, which often starts at a young age.  Playing with fire is warming, fun and sometimes nourishing.

Don’t talk to strangers:
I addressed this one briefly in a previous post.  As a small child I asked my mother, “Why do they say not to talk to strangers?  If you never talk to strangers, how will you ever make new friends?”  I still believe that and I make a point to talk to strangers almost every day.  I network this way.  I get to know my neighbors this way.  Sometimes I can make a small child smile or laugh and sometimes I bring comfort to a lonely old man or woman, just by listening to whatever it is they have to say.  Talking to strangers is necessary and healthy and I truly believe that too few people do it often enough to make a difference.

Don’t get lost:
Ok, I see the point.  Children need to be able to find their way back to where they started and many sheltered children cannot.  But I think that getting lost and developing the ability to take care of yourself and find your way home, whether alone or with assistance is something not enough people know how to do.  Beyond the physical aspect of spacial geography, it’s sometimes necessary to lose yourself emotionally or mentally in order to come back to a place from where you can then move on.  I’ve felt sane and safe on numerous occasions, but it wasn’t until I allowed myself to get a little lost that I was actually able to progress to the next stage of whatever it was I needed to do.

Don’t talk back:
Think carefully about this one, especially if this phrase has ever passed your lips.  What are you really saying with this?  “Don’t assert yourself.  Don’t stand up for what you believe in.  Don’t stand up for what’s right.  Swallow everything you hear from authority.  Don’t be your own person.  Follow suit.  Status quo.”  In some situations this is appropriate, but do we really want to teach our children or anyone around us to be sheep, to be doormats?  Taken at face value, think about your daughters or those girls you love.  Do you want them to roll over if they wind up in an abuse relationship?  Do you want your sons and daughters to work middle management the rest of their lives being passed over for promotion because they lack that spark?  That fire?  That passion?  This is not a lesson people should learn.  Instead, I think, children should be taught to choose their battles wisely.

Don’t get smart:
Oh come on.  I shouldn’t even need to explain this one to ANYONE…  unless you, who are reading this, took that phrase to heart, in which case, you probably wouldn’t understand anyway.

Don’t be stupid:
Well, you know, sometimes stupid isn’t a bad thing.  Naivete can be a powerful tool when used by the right people in the right situations.  Stupidity can lead to the most incredibly useful blunders.  Being stupid, while not recommended in all or even most situations, can cause greater understanding after explanations take place.

I do stupid things on a regular basis.  Sometimes I do them on purpose, sometimes it’s not at all intentional, but most of the time it turns out to be fun.  People are flabbergasted at some of the things I do, but I almost always learn from the experiences and often meet new people for doing it.  Rarely (and only in the most extreme cases) is my stupidity dangerous.  Usually it’s just silly and most of the time it’s also fun.

Don’t DO that:
But why?  What’s wrong with those things that step outside of our happy little boxes of comfort?  We all make mistakes, it’s inevitable.  We can’t protect OURSELVES, let alone others from making mistakes, the best we can hope for is to learn from them and not make them again.  This is the lesson that children need to learn.  How to take the lessons out of the mistakes, not to avoid making them in the first place.

I say, talk to strangers, play with fire (safely), be smart, say what you feel, have passion, LIVE.  Don’t take at face value all those restrictions we place on the successive generations simply because they were placed upon us and we didn’t want to think them through.

~FG };^>